I was born on 21st November, 2005. Now I am about to be 19. But throughout this journey to be adult, I have encountered my many skills. As when I was a student at primary, I did not have much intellect about goals, about dreams, I just had a hands-on saying "Main sab kuchh karunga". Growing up, I realized the world is not the same as I dreamt of, it is not what I had always thought of. The world is something very different place. After passing class first and entering second, I found that I wanna be an army officer. But being an army officer is not an easy saying. I dreamt of so because where my papa worked, there he was encountered by army men. He had a photo with a sniper in his hand. That something mesmerized me. I just wanted to have that decision finalized. After passing second, my school was changed. I came to a different school something which I had never thought of. It was something that made a diamond from a boy named RKG who was earlier dumb (still I scored 96% in 2nd standard). Time went by, and I then decided to be an astronaut. I did not have much information about it. I just read about it somewhere on the internet, somewhere in the books. After that, no looking back. I just continued with the same aim until I was promoted to sixth standard. But yes, by the time I was in fourth standard, my coaching was changed. I was under the supervision of great enlighteners. They told me that for being an astronaut, you have to go with science stream, then undergo training, you have to study a lot, they too told me about space life.
But after getting into sixth standard, I became a couch potato and started spending most of my leisure time in watching T.V., I had shifted from recharge t.v. to Free Dish, as usual in Free Dish you don't have much programs to go with. I spend time watching C.I.D. Now my aim again switched and to C.I.D. OR C.B.I. For one year, I just felt to be a C.I.D. Officer or a detective. But in seventh standard, again the goal changed. My previous dream of being an astronaut was again revived. I talked about it with my teachers, then I came to know that I have to do BTECH in aeronautical engineering from any college. I opted for IIT. I always kept on asking one question from everyone, "Please tell me the complete roadmap for being an astronaut."
I watched many videos on youtube, searched many articles, discussed about from my elders and much more. The research was on-going. From seventh to eighth, from lockdown of class ninth to twelfth. I just wanted to be an astronaut and want to be. In class 9th, I searched and read about three astronauts who were rejected by NASA for becoming an astronaut and later after persistence and consistent efforts, they made it to space, to ISS.
(Mike Massimino), rejected by NASA three times.
(Jose Hernandez), rejected by NASA eleven times.
(Clayton Anderson), rejected by NASA 15 TIMES.
Research helped me to get about these names, these astronauts were rejected by NASA many times and rejecting them from being astronaut. But consistent efforts made them to space, to ISS. Starting of class 10th was a little different, first time I encountered Elon Musk. Elon Musk, a name for business enthusiasts and space enthusiasts. I wanted to be like him. He is my role model at present. But something uniqueness will prevail and keep me a step further from others in the same race. All cannot be Elon Musk. I thought to prepare for IIT FIRST, then go to anything else. My eleventh was best, I dedicated a lot of efforts, lots of hours in studies preparing for jee advance, but in twelfth, I lost the influence, I was getting distracted, I was getting disturbed, and as such after 5 months passed in twelfth, I lost my complete focus from jee and aspired to be a businessman at any cost. I just thought I will make it if given a chance. I just had very different perception about everything. I was like I can do this. I am made for it. But wait, here is a twist. My friend name Aman suggested me about ISI KOLKATA AND BANGALORE, INDIAN STATISTICAL INSTITUTE ONLY FOR MATHS LOVERS. I just want to be there and study there. But the problem which was that I was overconfident and confused very much confused. I had analysed my skills. If I wouldn't have been applauded for writing poetry, for composing songs, for my flute skills, for my vocals singing, for my everything, I would not be confused. Now, I am in a dilemma, what to choose, what not to choose. I am in drop year currently preparing for ISI AND JEE. But there's still a missing piece. I always feel to upload videos on social media platforms and earn fame, by my skills of music, poetry, as a fitness enthusiast, as a technology enthusiast. I don't know now what will work for me. I am totally confused. I am daily thinking that I should take admission in a college from open and work on my skills and only on my skills. I would then work for my business plan. My hard work to social media platform, my efforts in business, my efforts in gym, my efforts in preparing for any competitive exam, all these at once I want to do. I am not satisfied with my life. I just want to be an all rounder a multitalented person. My teachers always told me to focus on one skill, my parents too encouraged me to have command over one skill. But due my greed for being an all rounder, I think I am destroyed. I don't know how to come out of this. I don't know which skill to give major time. I don't know anything. I know nothing.
Always struggling with what to go and what not to go.
Still struggling and its today 29th august, 2024.
Preparing for isi but still struggling and cannot focus on one skill. I just want to be on many skills. What to do what not to? I am waiting for the right time, the right advice, the right guidance, the only guidance, still not able to focus.
A major issue, a dream. I have this missing piece.
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